Never heard of the Miss Janie Olympics? Well, then you've never been in Mr. Terry's Neighborhood. It's actually a private affair. As you can see, the deer are strung out across the ravine keeping the Unwanteds away. Unwanteds? If you are reading this, count yourself one of them.
But since you are a Neighborhood reader, Mr. Terry will educate you about the Miss Janie Olympics in his Neighborhood.
On the East end of the ravine, the turkey stand guard. A Sergeant of Arms, proudly displaying his beard and watching and waiting for the Unwanteds. The animals don't want nobody finding out about the Miss Janie Olympics — fearful that genocide season will be changed, bringing the men and woman in pumpkin suits.
Run and Peck Event: With deer judges looking on, the turkeys race across the forest sniffing out Mr. Terry's cups of Miller Lite, which he hid in the snow. They have to stop, suck up the beer, and take off running, looking for the next cup. If a turkey misses a cup, that idiot is disqualified, and the deer get to drink it. The turkey that gets to the finish line first without puking, passing out, or slipping and falling — they do have lawyers in the woods — will be the winner.
Relay Turkey Trot: In groups of five, the turkeys will circle the north woods hill several times. Notice the beards. Only gobblers can run in the uphill relay trot. The winning team gets to attend a party in Mr. Terry's garage with plenty of bottles of Miller Lite on hand. And get this, about 10 hens have also been invited to the party. The real hens, not the fake Unwanteds, who hide in the woods and talk sexy with their fake calls during genocide season. Mr. Terry would never invite them.
The Run and Fly: In this event, crows are judged by how they run and fly. Since turkeys are experts at running and flying — especially when 12 gauge buckshot has been unleashed and heading toward their posterior — they are the judges in this crow lift off event. You see the crows lining up to be next.
100 Yard Dash: No animal can bolt through the woods faster than deer. Especially when they are trying to outrun a .30-06 slug headed their way. This is a rare Mr. Terry photo of two deer doing a finish line celebration, similar to what they do in the NFL. They jump up and slap hooves and would do a goal post dunk, too, but there are no goal posts in Mr. Terry's Neighborhood. Only Mr. Terry could get a shot like this!
For the 2016 Miss Janie Olympics, Mr. Terry promised to put up goal posts for the deer.
The turkey are not the only forest inhabitants that watch through Mr. Terry's windows. The deer do too, and they see how the baseball players on Mr. Terry's flat screen blow snot from their noses to clear things up, before stepping in to hit. But sometimes, as shown above, some deer need help getting it out. Well, why not, they don't have hankies in Mr. Terry's Neighborhood. Are you kidding me? So this deer is banging it out.
I bet you never saw a turkey clapping. Well, thanks to Mr. Terry, you see one now. This overly excited turkey is clapping as the turkey relay trot is passing by. The turkey is actually standing on it's three toes — that's correct, too, because I Googled it. There are three toes on each turkey foot. So don't get so smart!
Now here are three deer judges after the run and peck event sponsored by Miller Lite. The deer look tipsy. That's because they got to the hidden cups before the turkey. In fact, the one on the far right is puking his guts out. And the one in the middle is about to pass out. These Miss Janie Olympics are swell, don 't you think?
And if you think only the deer get loaded during the Miss Janie Olympics, well, guess again. Look at this gobbler. He so loaded he's staggering back down to the party in Mr. Terry's garage, where the hens are waiting. Yes, indeed, the Miss Janie Olympics are fun for all!!
Don't you think the forest dwellers need it after getting shot at in the fall?
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The end!
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