This just in from field agent Cousin Bob, son of a famous deerslayer — so famous, a city was named in his honor in Potter County, located on the old log trail — Pa 872. Entire herds would move over to Tioga County when Cousin Bob's dad came for the big hunt in Potter. How do you think Wes Detar downed so many deer?

Back in those days, they didn't use the sissyfied pumpkin suits. No sir, they hunted like real men, which explains why 800 hunters a year got shot dead.

But an old Shawnee legend has it, that when the blood of  the buck flows like the rivers of the great falls Niagara, a mysterious intergalactic connection forms between the Cervidae genome — the original Shawnee name for buck —  and the human genome. In other words, the Shawnee believed, future deer can sometimes smell-out the deerslayer's offspring — in this case, Cousin Bob.

Now, Cousin Bob, who adds to his monthly Social Security check by moonshining, er, I mean moonlighting, for Mr. Terry in Yardley, has in the past sent in spectacular wildlife photography.

While the cross dressers are currently in tree stands all over Pennsylvania's northern tier, and thousands more in pumpkin suits will take to the woods en masse — another Shawnee term — in December, ole' Bob hunts from his deck.

You take the buck in the photo above. This thousand point beauty lives in the yards amongst the Yardley neighbors. This buck is free to use the sliding board, the pool, the hot tub, or the gas grille, on days that don't end with a y. In Yardley, where the gross national product is higher than the Phillies' payroll, the people are pretty smart.

But this buck has the last laugh. He knows there is NO HUNTING in Yardley. Cause shootin' at this buck and missing, might put a nice round hole in the neighbor's siding — God forbid the above ground pool!

And get this, he uses all the appliances anyway, at night, when the Yardians are asleep.!

Now back on location at Mr. Terry's Neighborhood. The first thing you notice is the missing appliances. What do these deer do for fun? Well, in Mr. Terry's Neighborhood, there is  no fun, only cross dressers with sticks that zing and men and woman in pumpkin suits. Because in this neighborhood, HUNTING IS ALLOWED. Notice too that this deer is frail, compared to the buck in Cousin Bob's Yardley Neighborhood. Why do you think that is? Go ahead and compare, I'll wait.

Because in Yardley, the Yardians throw out filet, lobster, caviar, and peanut chews, not to mention the leftovers from Omaha steaks.

If you were a buck, in which neighborhood would you prefer to live? What the hell kind of question is that? It's like a choice of living on the tracks of the Broad Street subway, or a suite at the Ritz Carlton!

Now here we see another buck feeding at night. Which neighborhood? Mr. Terry's or Cousin Bob's? Very good, you are catching on. Obviously, this buck must be giving some kind of signal, or he's a buck flasher, but only Mr. Terry would know. Maybe he is letting Miss Janie know that he wouldn't mind some of her famous slug soup. Do you think there is slug soup in Cousin Bob's neighborhood? Sure, when some loony Yardian slips it into the ice maker at the Yardley Country Club. "Mmmm, say Bob, these martini's are swell today."

Lastly, we have a doe practicing the whip-around move. And of course, the neighborhood is Mr. Terry's (that's because Cousin Bob only works part time.) This maneuver is important when the snow comes and the men and woman in pumpkin suits take to the mountains. Many times hunters will see doe out in front of buck as they make their way through the woods. Doe use the whip-around move to let the buck know the woods ahead are clear.

In Yardley, the deer don't employ the whip-around move, unless they are dancing next to the hot tub and the kiddie's jump and slide swing set. Once, a Yardley doe did the whip-around and pucked from eating too many Foie Gras and black truffle hors d'oeuvres.

Mr. Terry or Cousin Bog — two neighborhoods where the deer are plentiful.
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