Special Treat: Mr. Terry Wears A Microphone

This time, Mr. Terry goes beyond the unthinkable. He wears a microphone as he goes out into the wilderness to live with the bears. Listen closely to what Mr. Terry says, he's a genius in the woods: (he will be whispering so the words aren't big)

"Okay, here I am, out in the wilderness with the bears. In fact, here comes one now. Quiet, you don't want to spook her. The last guy who did that is dead now, the bear ate him. When I left the house, Jane said, 'what ever you do don't get eaten, I only get half of your social security.' People in the town think Jane kicked me out and I had to live with the bears, but that's not true. I'm a dedicated hobbyist.

"This one's is looking for berries and stuff to eat. Wait! Wait! I think we may have a trifecta. Behind mama bear are baby bears. Do you see them? Do you see them?"

"We're getting a better look at mama, and I see the babies rustling around in the weeds. Look closely behind her.  I'm maybe 9 meters away from mama. My old boss  told me never to use meters, he said the metrics were invented by the communists. He thinks climate change is when you put on Coppertone. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

Here she comes, and I see the rustling around behind her. Do you see the black little head through the underbrush?

"I'll just sit here looking normal, like anyone would, sittin' in the woods with bears. Speaking of Coopertone, I put on a special bear scent Jane mixes up for me from dead slugs, worms and ticks, all mixed together. Jane says be careful, though, the scent could draw the female bears to me and they might want to be more than just friends. Oh, hogwash, what does she know."

"Wow, look at that! Two beautiful cubs, popping out of the weeds. 

"Being out here in the wilderness, this is the joy of  wildlife, the joy of life itself. You have to be in shape to live with the bears, like Dave Sikorski — who runs marathons, like they did in ancient Greece. Dave grew up in Scranton, but you can't hold that against him, no sir. Dave drank from the fountain of knowledge, absolutely, but it was mostly beer.

Does it get any better than this, living with the bears?

"The cubs are playful aren't they? Wait, mama bear just spotted me. Oh no, here she comes... no, no, OHHHHHHH, give me my pants back, Jane, Jane, call the Mansfield police. Whoaaaaaaa, she's dragging me into the weeds, I can't see where I'm goin.'

"Now she's licking my face. Hey, get out of there, don't touch those. Oh NNNooooooooooo!"

We're sorry, this will be continued later.

The End!